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How to let go.

Hello Everyone,

What are five positive things that have happened to you in the last two weeks? Take a moment and think about them, remember them, and smile.

Focusing on the positive moments in our lives helps in feeling good. But what about events and experiences that hurt? How do you let go and move on? If you are struggling there is a good chance that people who are “trying to help” have told you to, “just move on” and to “let it go”.

How do you do that?

Significant events that have strong emotions associated with it are likely to never be forgotten. Even if you haven’t thought about it in quite awhile, you can still recall whatever it is.  It is therefore important to realize that you will always be able to remember it. The goal then is to function in every day life and not have “IT” be consuming your thoughts, time and energy.

At this point you might be tempted to say that the goal must be to not think about it. Remember that the more you try not to think about something, the more you actually are focused on it.

So if the goal is to function, what does that look like? If you weren’t caught up with thinking about “IT” what would you be doing? What would you be thinking about? Who would you be with? If letting go and moving on is the goal, then life would be different. It would not be losing sleep because of thoughts, memories and worries. It would not be avoiding people or events because of anxieties and depression. These things describe being stuck. It is being able to conceptualize what being unstuck or moving on and letting go that is usually hard. However, in order to let go we need to know what will we be moving on to!

You might guess this is not an easy process and can involve multiple aspects. Part of this process may involve making the decision to move on. It might require giving yourself permission to move on. Perhaps letting go and moving on will require forgiveness. Another aspect might involve defining what you mean by “letting it go”. Do you mean forget it? Do you mean, not focus on it so much? Do you mean, just never talk about it (just keep it in your head)?

In order to define what moving on means try to describe it. How will you act? How will you think about yourself?; others?; the future? Use as much vivid detail as possible. This exercise might take awhile. Try focusing on it each day. Focus on it multiple times a day.

Just by reading this blog you are taking a step toward moving on and letting go. Keep taking one step at a time. You only need to focus on one step. You can do that!

Best Regards,

~ Dr. Lou